Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Everclear isn't food dammit
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
