I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
