alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
