Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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