:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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