Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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