Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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