I can tuck mytits in my pants
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
nutella sex= disaster
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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