This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
