Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
