Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
