is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
