I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
