Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
