dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
