I think im going to throw up on grandma
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize