The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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