They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
