all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
