I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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