I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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