MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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