at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
