i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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