Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The power of my boobs compel you
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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