im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
