Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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