Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
