Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
