Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
