I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
