Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
