i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
