You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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