It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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