You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
