If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Come on in and take your pants off
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