I accidentally burped into my bong.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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