Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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