Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just google imaged poop.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize