I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
