Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
