I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
