drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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