She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize