i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
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