so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
