wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
