I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
