i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
