you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
