Apparently you make a good broom.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
