it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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