did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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