i just made my gag reflex go away.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This is my gift to your gina
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
