Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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