In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
