The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
