I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize