im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
