and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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