question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
