I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
