You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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