I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i now understand why vodka
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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