Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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