Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
