No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
