so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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