i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize