She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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