who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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