I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
