I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
