I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it because I queefed?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize