Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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