my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
