I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
sex in a hospital.. check
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
