i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
