No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
