is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
