I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
