Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
